Name: Cullen Henshaw
Age: 46
Family Members: Stephanie (wife) and daughters Roxanne (8) and Tallulah (5)
How long have you been a stay at home Daddy for?
Eight years man and boy. Roxanne, our first was born in March 2002. My wife had only three months maternity leave, we arranged it so that my job ended two weeks before she had to go back to work. This gave her just enough time to show me which end you wiped and which end you put the milk in. Ever since it’s been more or less plain sailing.
What was your previous occupation and how did you find the transition from that job to caring full time for an infant?
I was a photographer’s assistant locked away in a darkroom with only the radio for company. So the chance to escape and spend time with our new baby seemed like an opportunity not to be missed. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy my old job, I just felt that being a full time dad would be a fascinating challenge.
Did you plan on being a househusband prior to having your children?
No, we were hopelessly disorganised as far as childcare went. We left it very late before we started to investigate the options, there was no way my then partner (and now current wife) would be able to look after Roxanne full time, as she was the main breadwinner so we checked out child daycare in the area. After working out that the difference between my wages and what we’d have to pay for Roxanne to be looked after by professionals was minimal, I decided that I’d better give it a go.
How has your life changed since you made the transition?
I've got the best job any man could hope to land, life is very sweet indeed.
How do you fit in with other parents and have you found it easy to build up a network?
It was tricky at first, being the only man in a room of mums and young nannies at the local play groups, but they were friendly enough so there was always someone to talk to. I never found myself invited round to coffee mornings though! I always reminded myself that I wasn’t going to these play groups to benefit my social life, it was all about getting out of the house and keeping Roxanne entertained. Just after she turned one, however, another SAHD who I’d recently met set up a dads play group in nearby Wimbledon. Once I started going there regularly I met lots of other fathers in my situation, many of whom I’m still in touch with. Not only that but soon after moving to Exeter I set up another branch of the same play group with similar social benefits for me.
www.dadsandlittluns.co.uk
Have you at any point considered going back to work?
It has occasionally crossed my mind, but the question would be what? My old job is no longer available, as my old boss is in London and we moved away a few years ago. With the steady move towards everything digital even if we did still live there I doubt if he’d have work for me anyway. I have the occasional grand idea which I invariably put immediately on the back burner.
How have you found the facilities for fathers when you are out and about?
Just fine, the only issue was the general lack of baby changing facilities in the gents toilets. This has slowly improved over the years and by now is no longer an issue. When it was a problem it soon dawned on me that if you march straight into the ladies with a small baby and start changing its nappy, no one is going to be too bothered. I also remember once having to carefully balance Roxanne on the top of the toilet cistern, and praying she didn't wriggle too much while I changed her nappy in a particularly badly equipped cafe toilet.
How have your arrangements affected your relationship with your wife/partner?
I doubt if it’s affected our relationship at all. She fully supported my decision to quit full time work, knowing that financially I was the only one with the option to do so. I think she appreciates the fact that the children have been brought up by a parent rather than a professional career; any firsts (walking, talking etc) have been witnessed by family, so the description of these events feels more personalised than if it had come from a nursery worker.
What has been the best highlight for you over the last few years?
There’s been so many. At the moment I always look forward to the school holidays and spending more time with both girls. But in general, just watching the pair of them grow up and develop has been a joy to behold. I only wish it didn’t seem to go by so quickly.